| 10 Ways to Improve your Marriage |
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By Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen Are you hoping to fall in love with your partner all over again? These ten ways to improve a bad relationship might fix the problems you have as a couple, and help you reconnect and improve your love life. Before the tips, a quip: “Chains do not hold a marriage together. It is threads, hundreds of tiny threads which sew people together through the years. That is what makes a marriage last –more than passion or even sex,” said Simone Signoret. The stronger your threads are, the better your relationship or marriage will be. To build a better marriage or love relationship, read 199 Ways To Make Your Good Marriage Great or Your Bad Marriage Better. And, here are ten ways to fix couples problems and improve a bad relationship… 10 Ways to Improve a Bad Relationship 1. Untangle money issues – they contribute to couples problems! “Often, when couples argue about money, it’s not money that’s the problem,” says William Harley, PhD, author of His Needs, Her Needs: Building an Affair-proof Marriage. “Instead, the money fights are a byproduct of relationship neglect.” Money can become a weapon when one spouse uses the other’s spending habits as ammunition or when a spouse spends money to get even. To improve a bad relationship, figure out exactly what you’re arguing about — and read 11 Tips for Fighting Fair in Marriage. 2. Take risks together. Trying new things together, such as sky diving or learning about astronomy, unites you as a couple. Psychology professor Leaf Van Boven from the University of Colorado explains that happiness is found in what you do (not what you buy) because experiences are open to positive reinterpretations, become a meaningful part of your identity, and contribute to a happy marriage or relationship. 3. Get angry to improve a bad relationship! Expressing anger and resolving conflict not only improve a bad relationship and keeps your love alive, it also lengthens your life span. “When couples get together, one of their main jobs is reconciliation about conflict,” says Ernest Harburg, researcher and professor emeritus at the University of Michigan. “Usually nobody is trained to do this.” His research reveals that couples who suppress anger are twice as likely to face early death as those who express it. Marriage and family counselor Lisa Brookes Kift offers these tips for keeping your relationship strong and your love alive: 4. Commit to checking in with each other every day – or at least a few times a week without distractions. Marriages often get “dry” when couples get busy and don’t prioritize each other and get a read or take the pulse of how the other is feeling. This tip for improving a bad relationship and improving your love life will help you stay committed. Husbands, you might like to read How to be a Great Husband. 5. Crack each other up – stupid pet names, looks they give each other or whatever. Humor has a knack for binding couples together and de-escalating conflict. It also demonstrates friendship in the marriage, which is very important. 6. Be mindful of criticism, contempt, stonewalling and defensiveness. If a lot of any or all of these exist in a marriage – research has shown that the chances are much higher for divorce. Criticism and contempt do not keep love alive; in fact, it’ll thwart your relationship goals for good. Psychologist Bruce Eimer offers these tips for keeping your relationship healthy: 7. Remember the romantic beginnings. To improve a bad relationship, visualize the person you dated and married. To improve a bad relationship, remember that person is still alive inside of him. The stressors and tribulations of life may have made that inner goodness hard to see. 8. Appreciate your partner. Look at your husband and take a moment to appreciate all of the things that he does for you and gives you. You may in fact want to express your appreciation for him verbally and/or non-verbally. To keep your relationship strong, tell your husband what you like about him and watch him beam. You’ll beam too! 9. Keep dating. Make one day a week a special day–a day during which to schedule a “goody time” – to keep your love alive. This can be any shared activity that you both can appreciate (such as a dinner out, going to the movies, etc.). To learn new ways to share your love, read 15 Meaningful Ways to Say “I Love You.” 10. Keep communicating. Research shows that contempt and holding back communication are harbingers of marital trouble and potential failure. So, find things about your spouse to appreciate and respect, and don’t stonewall. To improve a bad relationship, talk, touch, and communicate. For communication tips, read 10 Tips for Talking to Your Spouse. |
