How to let go of your teenager.

Parents are often slow to recognize what 'letting go' means for children in the teenage years. When teenagers start to think and choose for themselves, that's when the arguments begin.  Parents still feel free to criticize their teenager's appearance, study habits, friends, music and beliefs. Now the parents' hidden agenda becomes clear. Summed up it is, 'Yes, think for yourself - but think the same things I do.'

Most self-respecting teenagers will fight against what they see as unwarranted interference and unjustified restrictions.  If you've brought up your child to think for herself and to show initiative, at some point she may think and do things you don't like. She's entitled to her views and as long as she isn't doing anything harmful to herself or others, she should be allowed to make her own decisions.

If you are respectful of her right to make (some) decisions for herself, she may seek your advice. If you continue to lecture, criticize and boss her, then she will clam up and take the advice of others.  The important message here is that if you want to keep your teenager close to you then you have to let go.  Analyze the situation and once your child is not making a decision that will be to her detriment, such as eating pizza for breakfast or wearing black clothes all the time, allow her the space and freedom to express herself.   

Have faith in the work you've done to date.  Contrary to media hype, most teenagers pass through their teenage years relatively trouble-free. Research shows that nearly 60% of young people said they 'get on well with their parents' and a survey in October 2000 revealed that for most teenagers, the person they most admire is their mother.